Match Centre

By Darshan Joshi, writing in Sydney

It may be stretching the truth a little had I begun this by saying that there was only one team on the field, but it wouldn’t be a lie either. There was one moment during the match when it seemed as though Liverpool weren’t in grotesquely severe control of the match – Dimitar Berbatov lashed a half-volley, so curvaceous it may have made this month’s Playboy centrefold, beyond Pepe Reina, but, alas! All it did was shake the frame of the Spaniard’s goalmouth. And then there was a silence. Liverpool’s defensive third remained untouched for a long, long period, like a virgin resolutely set on prolonging its spell of abstinence. The picture is painted clearer than a van Gogh masterpiece when you notice the possession statistics: the Devils with 58% of the ball, yet, this very ball remained in United’s half for the majority of the match. And when United did get their goal, oh, if only there wasn’t a period of ninety minutes before then!

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By Darshan Joshi, typing furiously on a really uncomfortable sofa in a crowded common room in Sydney

Before you proceed, a word of caution is necessary… this is an experiment. As you re-live the duration of Sunderland vs. Manchester United without (animated) visual aid, remember that these are simply representative of the thoughts, feelings, and ‘whatevers’ else I deem necessary, crawling through my head at that exact moment of action (but printed on the Internet). Any offensive remarks are not those I would blurt out on an everyday basis, and are as such not a reflection on my personality/upbringing, nor would they arise in everyday speech because I would hope I’m not that impetuous.

Maybe this will spark the latest fashion in match reporting. Enjoy.

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